Baba

 
 
This entire trip something I have been trying to understand is the idea that I am a son of God. I have read books about it, prayed, and talked to those who have an understanding, but got nowhere. I couldn’t understand or come to believe that the God who holds the 93 billion light year long universe in His hand could be this intimate Father to me. I could only see myself as a worker in His field and it stayed that way all the way through Nicaragua. In Thailand I came to see that God actually wanted me to come into His courtroom, but I was still unsure. I didn’t find myself worthy, so I stood outside the gate worshiping. When entering into Kenya I have found myself wanting to be in His arms because I know that there is no other place like it. And now in the past few weeks, thanks to one name, I now see the all mighty God as my intimate Baba.
 
About two weeks ago I was at cell group for a time of prayer. While I was there one of my brothers cried out to God using the name Baba (the Swahili word for Father). Now since I have been trying to think about God as my father I have called Him every name I can think of Father, Daddy, Papa, Abba, and the list continues, but none seemed to fit. However once I heard Baba, it connected to that inner part of me that only He knows how to connect to. After that I just sat there and though about the word over and over. Fast forward a week and I am on the bank of the Nile worshiping. We sang a song by Jonathan David Hesler called “Abba”. The main chorus sings “Abba I belong to You,” now with a quick switch of two letters that song allowed me to sink into my Daddy’s arms. I wish I could go into detail about the love I felt, but I do not have a big enough vocabulary or posses the writing ability of Shakespeare.
 
Baba was such a gift to me because it allowed me to mean all the things I had said over these past few months, and God didn’t just stop there. This past Friday He allowed my words to be genuine and meaningful concerning His will. I was at a 3 hour prayer service just talking to God about my future. I was saying a bunch of things that I thought He would want to hear, but eventually He made me be real with Him. He simply asked “What is it that you want?” I had to pause and think. After a while all I could respond was “I simply want to do Your will.” I never have said that and actually meant it, but now I do. As much as it makes me uncomfortable to say I would rather not go back to school if it isn’t in God’s plan. I know and can say with full honesty that there is no better place then being in the Father’s presence and I’ll do or not do whatever I need to in order to stay there.