This is Pointless.

I am done with this.
What in the heck was I thinking about going to a Bible College after this trip?
I am not cut out for ministry.
I mean really what is the point?
This sucks.
 
These were my thoughts as my team and I sat in one of the houses we were evangelizing in. I had sat quite half paying attention to the conversations in the previous two houses. Now I sat in this house silent, paying more attention to a dress designing TV show then my ministry. (Shows you how out of it I was)  I had decided to check out for the day and maybe try again next time. I would be content sitting with a fake smile on and counting down the minutes until I got to go walk out into the African hot box again in my pants.
 
Joy was overflowing from me. (Sarcasm implied)
 
We left my beloved dress show and headed down the road to pray for a man Ryan had met. No sooner then laying my hand on the man, I took it off because I knew there was no way I truly meant what I was saying. I waited off on the side becoming even more joyful (again sarcasm) as sweat began to run down my entire body. After praying it wasn’t long before we were at our next house sitting outside with the family ready to begin talking.
 
Two women sat in chairs, eight little kids ran around and looked at their alien like visitors, and my team sat on a bench and the ground. One of the women had walked by with a baby and Audrey asked to hold it which meant she wouldn’t be talking.
“Who is talking?” I heard my translator ask. I look around and rest of my team seemed preoccupied.
Screw it. Whatever I guess I will were my THOUGHTS. So I and my box of joy and annoyance volunteered. (100% willingly of course)
 
I started just like other teammates had by telling them who we were, why we were there, and about IGC. (Our local church)  It was weird though, as I began to speak I felt the annoyance and inside anger sort of just leave. I then asked them if they have heard of IGC before. My translator informed me that one of the ladies went to a different church and was saved. The other lady though was Catholic but wasn’t saved. This sparked my interest so I asked why it was she hadn’t been saved. Was it because she was never taught about it? Was it because she was never given an opportunity? Her reason; she had never been taught.
 
At the end of my rope, having no desire to talk to anyone, wanting to go back home, and doubting my reason for being here God hands me a witnessing opportunity on a silver platter.
 
I should have seen it coming.
 
Of course Jesus is going to wait until I was pissed at the world, questioning why I was even there, already checked out, and was talking because I had too to speak through me. Had I been in any better condition, the acknowledgement of Jesus’ direct involvement would have been blocked by my stupid pride.
Instead I am again reminded that when people are at the end of their ropes is when they are often used. When we are completely gone and done is when He is just getting started. Right now you may be at the point where your hands are up, you’re crying because you feel so distant from him, and you are ready to thrown in the towel. Well rejoice! because He is may be just getting ready to use you.
 
Oh, that lady, she decided to follow Jesus and proclaimed Him as her Lord and Savior.
Amen.
 
P.S. Sorry for those who I offended by using the inappropriate words such as suck, pissed, and screw. (Grandma) I just wanted you to experience how I was feeling.